


After School

by Anon_H



Series: Bag o gifts [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol, Crack | Rarepair, F/M, Gift, One Shot, Schoolstuck, Workplace Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-25
Updated: 2013-10-25
Packaged: 2017-12-30 11:15:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1017957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anon_H/pseuds/Anon_H
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Looking for a new job, Dirk decides to try his hand at becoming a PE teacher.</p><p>Who knew that would be so much work?</p>
            </blockquote>





	After School

Dirk ‘Bro’ Strider wasn’t sure what exactly happened.

It seemed like one day the internet just collectively decided that puppetporn was old news. His former clients moved on in mass to sites about grey ladies. He knew nothing about grey ladies. He had built an enterprise on foam, multi-colored puppets and had no idea how to tackle this new bizarre trend.  
With the traffic to his emporium slowly dwindling he had to seriously consider putting the site offline as keeping the site up cost more money then it earned him. Not able to bring himself to kill it just yet, he decided to put it off for another month.

He glanced over his finances. The puppet business had given him an adequate financial buffer but sooner or later they were going to need a new source of income. Dave needed to go to school, he needed to pay the rent and they both needed to eat.

Dirk considered his options on the job market. He hadn’t touched his childhood hobby of robotics since he picked up Dave from that crater fourteen years ago. Technology moved fast, so everything he knew back then was probably old news now. He could further study it but there was no guarantee he’d be up to standard by the time they’d have to eat old pizza crusts for sustenance.  
For his talent he had been approached by some very shady types he preferred to never see again, to do work as an hitman or as an ordinary thief. Dirk had always declined; he wanted to raise Dave to be a neutral-good ninja so he had to set an example.  
In the worst case scenario he could always consider becoming a courier; flashstepping over the rooftops beat going on a lame scooter.

“I’m home.” Dave groaned. In the corner of his eye Dirk could see his schoolbag being flung carelessly on a chair.  
“I hear.”  
“School blew, thanks for asking, where’s the AJ?”  
“We’re out.”  
“Fuck you.”

Dave started searching the house for his precious apple juice, cursing all the while. Dirk looked intrigued at his brother’s schoolbag as he got an idea for a job that may put his talents to good use.

* * *

 

Skaia High was a young school going through a rough time. The school has had a plethora of principals in its short existence, all dying or disappearing under mysterious circumstances. Some of the students spread rumors about the position being cursed; some of the staff believed them.  
Founder Andrew Hussie was shot down by an unknown assailant with a AK-47. Principal Scratch vanished after charges of sexually harassing female students and was immediately replaced by a man who only made himself known as English. Though he was never seen, he was supposedly always there. Much like Scratch however he suddenly vanished without a trace. Records even suggested he never existed in the first place.  
Finally came a certain principal Peixes, and everyone instantly took a dislike to her. She was fired after a number of complaints from the staff: racist statements, financial fraud, unethical work hours and sexual harassment.

After all those principals, the good and bad, English literature teacher Latula Pyrope had offered to temporarily take the seat, until a proper replacement had been found for miss Peixes. It was an incredibly taxing job, but she took to it with great aplomb and the staff seemed more than happy to see her take the job. Some were even trying to convince her to take the job permanently.

This afternoon she had received an e-mail from one of the parents. And in a few minutes she’d have to meet with him: the caretaker of Strider. Latula knew off him; her charge was good friends with his younger brother. She had to admit, she was curious as to what he wanted to discuss.  
Perhaps he merely wanted to talk about Dave’s occasionally troublesome attitude (“the things that kid says during English literature…”), or perhaps there was something private between the younger Strider and Terezi she needed to know (“I kinda expect there to be.”).  
Regardless, she was a little nervous.

“Yo.” A low voice with a vague Texan accent suddenly said. Latula looked up to see man in question having taken the seat in front of her desk (“Was it evening already?”). She never even heard the door open. He was looking at her with a stoic expression, hidden away behind slightly goofy looking shades. She calmly pressed her red-tinted glasses up with her index finger.

“Strider.” She said, giving a polite nod of the head, refusing to act startled by the man’s sudden appearance.”I had not expected you here so early.”  
“I like being on time.”  
“So I see.”

She rearranged the files she was working on and looked at her guest. He couldn’t be older then she was, probably a little younger. He was in certainly in good shape, tight shirt, sharp jaw, light stubble. Latula decided to stop her train of thought before it got weird; she had to stay professional.  
“What can I help you with mister Strider?” she asked calmly.  
Suddenly the older Strider seemed a little bashful himself; it looked endearing. The way he scratched his neck and averted his gaze.  
“I was wondering if ya’ll needed a PE teacher.” He said, sounding a lot more confident then he actually looked.  
“You need a job.” Latula rephrased.  
“Kinda.”

“I thought you were…… er…..” Now it was her turn to be embarrassed. For as much as she knew about Dave by now she knew next to nothing about his brother or what he did for a living.  
“Economic crisis.” Dirk answered quickly.”Laid my ass off like it was on fire, you know how it goes.”  
“My sympathies.” Latula said, trying to be professional and not to think about the metaphor.”Honestly, your timing could not be better.” She recalled the previous PE teacher, a hulking brute of a man, who got fired alongside principal Peixes. Vantas was trying to fill the slot, but he was overtaxed as it was as biology teacher. It would be a matter of time before he’d burn out if she wouldn’t hire a fulltime PE teacher. ”We’d be happy to have you.”  
“Aw, that’s great.” Dirk treated her on a rare smile.”When can I start?”  
“Once I have informed the staff and changed Vantas’ roster back.” Latula smiled back.”I just need to see your information, date of birth, where you live, that kinda deal and a copy of your papers. ”

“I’m sorry. My what?”

* * *

 

The deal was simple.

He was allowed as Vantas’ assistant PE teacher, taking some of his slack and learning the ropes. He wouldn’t get full pay, but along with the buffer he had from his website, it’d be enough to get by. In exchange, he agreed to follow night classes three times a week. In half a year he would have his papers and become a certified teacher.

Dirk found himself enamored by the principal. There were probably plenty of other job opportunities for a man of his caliber, but he got up in her enthusiasm when she explained her idea. She had sharp face and the most piercing bluish green eyes behind those odd glasses of her. Though she was a bit short in stature, she definitely seemed to have curves where it mattered. She filled her teal suit up nicely.  
It proved to be just one of the many occasions he was glad to have shades.

Dave could hardly believe it.

“Bro, what the actual fuck do you think you’re doing?” He growled during an intense game of Mario kart.”You are selling out to the man faster than every teen rock band ever. You can’t become teacher at my school.”  
“I can and I will.” Dirk answered, calmly nibbling his pizza while deftly avoiding the oncoming mushroom themed vehicles.  
“It’s lame.”  
“Nah lil dude.” The older brother answered, a little hurt.”It’s ironic as fuck.”  
The younger brother said nothing, trying to beat Dirk to the finish line, but failing to do so.”Whatever.” He mumbled, not entirely satisfied with second place.

Dirk wondered how long he could use ‘irony’ as a get-out-of-jail free card.

The night classes were almost completely empty; not many people felt the need to re-educate themselves in becoming teachers. The instructor seemed a bit of an asshole, wearing 3D-glasses indoors, but Dirk found himself amused by the grumpy guy. Though he appeared to be very young he had plenty of experiences to share from his own time as a teacher. He also was a dick to the people who came in late or interrupted his classes, scaring away half of the already small class.  
After a week of these classes he actually found himself becoming buddies with this Captor fellow and stayed to chat after the class was over.

“You’re doing decent Strider.” The teacher mumbled while lighting a smoke. He offered a cigarette but Dirk politely declined.  
“Thanks.” He said.”I think I am actually getting the gist of things.”  
Captor snorted.”You’ll remember to keep rapping and swordfighting for music or ninja class after yesterday’s incident right?”  
“They teach ninja class nowadays?”  
“Sarcasm.”  
“Well they should teach that shit.”  
“You’re a strange fellow Strider.” Captor said blowing out a ring of smoke.”Regardless, I am calling it a night. Try to read “Why don’t students like school?” Written by Willingham for next week. It’ll put you ahead of the curve.”  
“I’ll find a way to download it.” Dirk suggested cockily.  
“I’ll find you a site.” His teacher sighed.

Working with Vantas turned out to be a pain in the ass. The man seemed frail and was more than a little afraid the students would harm themselves during class. He seemed to purposefully censor his own speech as if he was afraid someone’s angry parent would sue him for all his worth the moment he’d rightfully call a kid a dumbass.  
Dirk shuddered to think how this man could teach reproduction during biology.

The teacher nearly got a heart attack when Dirk spent his part of the lesson letting the kids play dodgeball, and gave his assistant a preach the moment the children were out of earshot.  
“I cannot believe you would so recklessly endanger these children with such a violent game.” The teacher whispered hastily, as if he was afraid someone else would hear them.  
“It’s just dodgeball.” Dirk sighed, unable to believe the neurotics of this man.  
“Be that as it may, what if one of the children had gotten injured?” The teacher said, talking so fast Dirk was trying to imagine a beat under his words to drone out the voice.”Had the parents decided to hold this school responsible and press charges we would have been in GREAT trouble.”  
“…..It’s just dodgeball.” Dirk sighed again.  
“Accidents happen.” Vantas continued.”And if we wrongly trigger these children or encourage them into violence with such rowdy games we may have some terrible problems on our hands. What if one of them gets a bleeding nose? Breaks their glasses? Twists their wrists? We cannot condone such games.”  
“……..It’s just fucking dodgeball.

More than his lessons with Vantas or his lessons with Captor, Dirk found himself looking forward to the weekly evaluations with Latula. He would meet her after school hours in her office; a gaudy place that still held items from its previous owners. Excessive bling, a pool table, a strange looking wolf head on the wall.  
Dirk found himself genuinely looking forward to these meetings; The principal was a sharp-minded but very kind conversation partner.  
“How are your lessons going Strider?” she asked politely, while ordering her files.  
“Captor says he can put me on a fast track.” Dirk nodded.”In three months I should have my permit.”  
“That’s wonderful!” Latula smiled. The older Strider couldn’t help but smile back, if only a little (“appearances and all that.”).”What does Dave think about you becoming a teacher?”  
Dirk shrugged.”He’ll get over it.” He mumbled, smiling mentally as the principal chuckled.”He’ll just have to deal with it.”  
“Well he seems to be good friends with Terezi.” Latula smiled and gave a playful wink.”For their sake, we’ll have to play nice as well.”  
Dirk laughed, short and low, but she managed to make him laugh. She considered it a victory.”I’ll gladly play nice with you, even if it means Dave will be high-fiving his lady friend.”  
“I have been meaning to ask, but you are not his father are you?”  
“Nop.”  
“Where is his father now?”  
“No idea.”  
“I see….”  
“What about Terezi? Is there a Mr Pyrope?”  
“…………”  
“Sorry if that’s too personal.”  
“It’s alright. She’s not my biological daughter.”  
“Adopted?”  
“Something like that………”

There was an awkward silence between the two of them. Dirk was clever enough to realize the principal was hiding something from him that she did not wish to discuss. He didn’t want to pry, so he let it at that. He wasn’t particularly fond of telling the baby-riding-a-horse-on-a-meteor story either.

Then, she dropped a bomb.

“Want to go for drinks for the next evaluation?”

* * *

 

The next week was supposed to go very similar to the last, but Dirk found himself growing more nervous as Friday was rapidly approaching. He went along with whatever crap Vantas was spewing at him, just nodding his head as the man continued his rant. Though he was present for his evening classes he didn’t register anything what Captor was saying.  
And his teacher noticed.

“Strider what the fuck do you think you’re doing.” He grumbled, fiddling with his pen in his hand. Dirk hadn’t even noticed class was over and the room was empty save for the two of them.”You look as vacant as every other sod.”  
“I’m…… a bit distracted.” He said evasively.  
“I’m not your shrink.” Captor said, taking his stupid 3D-glasses off.”So what is so important that you can’t think straight. Family problems? Financial shit?  
“Women.”  
“Aaaaaah.” Captor laughed and told Dirk to stay put. Thinking about what to do with Latula next Friday he happily obliged. A few minutes later he had to dodge a can of beer being thrown to his head.”Now tell me what’s wrong. You strike me as a ladies’ man, so what did you fuck up?”  
“I didn’t fuck anything up asshole.” Dirk answered without missing a beat.”Well, not yet anyways.”  
“Uh huh.” Captor nodded, taking a big swig.”So you gonna tell me or what?”  
“The principal asked me out for drinks for my next evaluation.” Dirk answered, carefully taking a sip. He usually stayed away from alcohol but he supposed he could handle a single beer.”And I don’t know how to respond to that.”  
“So this old man—“  
“It’s not a man.” Dirk sighed. He didn’t mind men at all, they were a lot more simple. But women had a certain allure he couldn’t resist either.”It’s a young woman.” Captor whistled.”And she’s principal.”  
“Nice going.” Captor snickered.”Nothing wrong with having your boss……. Work for you, if you catch my drift.”  
“Drift caught. Now, what the fuck do I do, oh sensei of mine?” Dirk growled with his hands in his hair.  
“Iunno.” His teacher shrugged.”You like her?”  
“Well, she’s cute…. Bit short, curvy.”  
“So this cute girl, who happens to be your boss, wants to go out for drinks?” Captor mumbled, chugging what was left of his beer.”Tell her how you feel?”  
“Confused?”  
“You like her?”  
“I might…. It’s just weird, with work and all that.”  
“Can she keep work and private life separate?” his teacher asked, crushing the beercan and throwing it into the trash.”Very important.”  
“I think so…..” Dirk mumbled. He at least assumed she wasn’t ‘principal Pyrope’ all the time when she was with Terezi. She probably did have a life outside out school. “Yeah?”  
“Then go for it.”

Dirk high-fived Captor before leaving the classroom. He’d just have to see where they’d end up.

* * *

 

It was early morning. Terezi was probably still asleep, but as a responsible principal Latula had to be ready to start every schoolday early. Being an optimist she decided to think it made her weekends that much better.  
She sat down the empty table with her tablet in hand, looking at the news and two pieces of toast in front of her.

She didn’t expect to receive a call this early on the day.

“Latula Pyrope speaking.” She said politely.(“Duh, it’s my cellphone. They know who’s gonna pick up.”)  
“Good day madam.” The voice on the other end of the line said.”My name is Cronus Ampora. Are you per chance the head of Skaia High?”  
“I am.” Latula answered curtly. She didn’t really like the way this guy was talking.  
“Ah, that’s great.” Cronus said, not sounding any more enthusiastically.”Is it true your school is still looking for a teacher to bolster the ranks?”  
“Pardon?”  
“Are you still looking for a PE teacher?”  
“You have interest in the job?”  
“Oh yes.” Cronus answered, sounding a bit too smug.”I’ve recently acquired my teaching permit.”  
“And your resume?”  
“I have swum in national competitions and have previously taught at LOWAS.”  
“I see….”

She briefly considered it. This would give Kankri the break from teaching PE he desperately needed and unlike Dirk, Ampora would be able to work starting immediately.  
Then again, she really had really gotten to like Strider and it would be a great shame is his dedication to studying went to waste.

It was a surprisingly easy choice for her.

“I am sorry.” She said, a little happier then she intended.”That position got filled recently.”  
“I see…..”  
“I recommend trying Derse.”  
“Thank you kindly…..” he hung up. Latula would swear she heard him say “bitch” before ending the call. Just another reason for her to believe she made the right choice.

She didn’t like putting people down like that and quickly tried to forget about Ampora. She realized she just condemned Kankri to work longer then strictly necessary but she didn’t want to deny Dirk the job she practically promised him.  
It was getting weird, how often her thoughts went out to him. His determination, his dry sense of humor, his good looks. There was an undeniable interest in Dirk and she wanted to get to know him better. She wasn’t sure it was love, but it certainly was a small crush. The idea made her giddy; the school principal crushing on the new teacher like a schoolgirl. (“What would Terezi say?”)

Before leaving she sent out a text to a friend, to make sure they’d have good seats tonight.

* * *

 

It wasn’t the kind of bar Dirk expected to meet Latula.

‘The jaded drinker’ was in the center of Houston and was brimming with people, most of them students. The poles hanging from the ceiling suggested to him that the place was suited for (“or used to be.”) a stripclub.  
Latula walked in with confidence, wearing the teal colored suit she always wore and greeted the person behind the bar, an elegant woman with a way to revealing dress and an assortment of tattoos. The principal enthusiastically high-fived her, much to his surprise (“I didn’t think she’d frequent places like this.”)

With her apparent connection she arranged a backroom for the two of them. The woman behind the bar gave them a knowing smirk and gave Latula the key. The music was too loud for Dirk to hear what they were talking about, but the blush on the principals face spoke volumes.  
The music wasn’t half as loud in the private room. There were comfortable couches and some nice paintings on the wall, but the atmosphere only reinforced Dirk’s theory about this place’s past as a stripclub.

“So…..” he started sounding confident but feeling awkward.”Evaluation?” (“Smooth Dirk.”)  
Latula laughed, a bit higher pitched then normally.”I just…. Wanted to judge your character outside a school environment.” She said quickly.(“Smooth Latula.”)”Besides.” She practically giggled now. Dirk couldn’t help but find it incredibly cute.”I am just dying to find out if alcohol makes you break that pokerface of yours.”  
“I don’t drink much.” Dirk said flatly.  
“Of course you drink.”

The door to their room opened and the barmaid from earlier entered with an entire selection of drinks; whatever connection Latula had to this woman, it was a good one.  
“Thanks Porrim.” Latula said, opening a small bottle and pouring two glasses.  
“No problem.” The woman practically purred.”Just lock the door if you need any privacy.” She received a perfectly thrown pillow in the face from Latula before leaving.  
“Sorry about that.”The principal said, handing Dirk a glass of something that smelled like rum.”An acquaintance of mine.”  
“I figured.” Strider answered, taking a sip of the spirit while thinking of something smooth to say.  
“So how are your lessons going?” Latula asked.”Kankri thinks you are doing good.”  
Dirk looked up surprised.”Really? He keeps telling me to be more careful.”  
“He says that to everyone.” She assured him.  
“You don’t say…..” somehow Dirk had to problem believing that.”Anyway, Captor is preparing me for the exam next month, I got the books I need so it’s gonna be a walk in the park.”  
Latula nodded and took a sip of her drink.”I’m happy to hear that.” She hummed, sitting a bit closer to Dirk.”We’ll throw a big staff party when you have your permit.”  
Dirk chuckled and got a bit closer as well, finishing his drink. Before he could say anything however, Latula poured him another one.

“It’ll be fun.” She said.

* * *

 

Contrary to his previous reservations, she was right. It was fun. They shared embarrassing stories about themselves (“So I actually dated Captor a while.”)(“I actually made puppets for a living.”) and consumed more alcohol then Dirk was usually comfortable with. It dulled his senses and removed most of his inhibitions.

He actually got as far as a chaste kiss on her cheek when they decided they should leave.

It was already late at night. Though the city smog dulled most of it, the full moon was visible above the skyscrapers. Latula held her arms against her chest, complaining about the sudden chill. Dirk kinda wished he had a vest to lend her now.  
“Crud…” she groaned, agitatedly searching through her pockets.”Forgot my wallet.”  
“You didn’t go by car?”  
“I intended to drink.” She groaned while miserably looking through her pockets again.”Of course I didn’t.”  
“That’s fair.” Dirk nodded. He looked at the woman in front of him, trying to ignore the dull sensation of the drinks. She was quite a bit shorter and seemed fairly light weighted despite her curves.”Where do you live? I can take you there.”  
“We’re not driving anywhere…..” Latula groaned, trying to stay steady on her feet. She yelped feeling the arms of her future employee grab her as he lifted her up.”What are you doing?! Put me down!” She was being carried now; she instinctively threw her arms around his neck, afraid she would fall on the concrete.  
“I never said anything about driving.” Dirk said with a smug smirk.

Drunken flashsteps were required a lot of concentration but he was aiming to impress her. Within a minute they were high above the city, looking down on the traffic below in the light of the moon.  
“ARE YOU A WIZARD!?” Latula shouted in disbelief as the wind was rushing past their ears.  
A minute later Dirk stopped on a rooftop in the center of Houston. It was one of his favorite vantage points in the city; it was purely a coincidence Skaia High was visible from there.  
“W-what just happened?” Latula asked, a little shaken from the experience.  
“Yeeaah….” Dirk said, scratching the back of his neck. Perhaps showing off those skills was a bad idea.”Ninja training. Sworn to secrecy. Please don’t flip your shit.”  
“THAT WAS AWESOME!”

Before he knew what was going on he was tackled and straddled by the inebriated principal who was incredibly determined to make out with him. He didn't feel the need to resist.

* * *

 

Dirk considered himself a morning person.

His long showers not withstanding he would always get up before 8 (“Even earlier now I have to get to my job.”) and even get some training in to keep himself sharp.

This Saturday however, he was determined to stay in bed until Dave would come to ask what’s for dinner. There was a reason Dirk Strider didn’t like drinking alcohol; he would show off his skills to people who’d freak out over them, he’d make out with future bosses and he’d get the worst hangovers.

He tried to ignore the loud buzzing of his telephone for another few hours.

Hey Dirk. Hope you’re feeling alright. I had a LOT of fun yesterday.   
Can you get that permit already?  
I definitely want you working for me ;)

He groaned and put the pillow on his head.

It turned out Latula Pyrope was a woman more than capable of separating work and private life.

**Author's Note:**

> Haha! Ha! ha........ I'm so sorry
> 
> First story in the assortment of gifts I promised to various people. Unfortunately the first guy was an anon. Now I am not one to talk, but I'll never know if he reads his gift. 
> 
> The other idea for this pairing was having Dirk be arrested by Redglare and the Psiioniic as trollcops, but that would involve writing an actual plot.


End file.
